New Years Resolutions - 2012

- Be happy : easier said than done, but everyday I want to write down one good thing that happened to me that day
- Retainer : try and wear it every night.. I've been slacking
- Temple Trips : baptisms for the dead at least twice a month
- Volunteering : sign up at the library, or hospital, or food and care coalition and keep with it. Serving others brings happiness.
- Spend more time and do small acts of service for my family : go visit Ryan and courtney, help mom with dinner, visit my grandma, hang out with colby, help dad in the yard, etc.

2011 - A Year of Memories

random memories from 2011

both the good and bad

a year of memories

start of senior year . girls camp . dances . australia . ryan's wedding . hour spent sitting at the piano . youth conference . rejoining adc . the res . saying goodbye to my 4.0 . sleepover with the dance girls at michelles . studio 600 dances . sunburns . january 16th . braces off . twitter . playing hymns for church in ireland . lonely christmas . ap chem study groups . last minute last chance . sonic tuesdays . utah football games . sewing classes . losing friends . saving money . ladybugs in math class . car getting towed . summer nights . spanish video . sleepovers outside at michelles . snorkeling the great barrier reef . gender wars . working as a sweeper . jet lag . bonfires . tweeting in seminary with the homies . power poses . not going to prom . act prep classes with bai . ipod being stolen . no gps in ireland . turning 18 . sluffing class . long talks . little caesar runs at work . personal progress finished . shs football games . pay raise . slurpee runs . accepted to the u of u . sleeping in . bieber fever . ap tests . words with friends . late nights . feeding dolphins . senioritis . heehaws party with adc . ireland . junior research project . little scratch on my car . early morning walks on the beach . finishing junior year . september 25th . tangled . cod parties in colby's room . res with the neighbors . early morning jogs . ap history study guides . christmas lights . party at madi's . milk and psych study party after dance with chell . looking for shooting stars.

: a year i wont forget :

I'll Be Home For Christmas

I might be home for Christmas...
but where is my family?

Presents, treats, fancy dinners, decorations, santa, music, celebrations...
but what is it all without family?

Currently right now I am sitting in the family room chair.
All alone.
In our big empty house.
No one but me is home.

I miss my family.

My parents are only gone for a couple of hours visiting people...but even though I probably wouldn't hang out with them much if they were home, I still wish they were here.  Just someone to be around.

Colby is with Janelle celebrating with her family.  And I am happy for them.  They are super cute together and I'm glad she joined us this morning for Christmas...but I just wish they were here, even if it was just to sit by the tree and play a board game.

and finally Ryan.
He got married to Courtney a couple days ago and I couldn't be happier for them.  Today they are up at her famiy's house in Logan.  I knew I would miss Ryan but I just didn't realize it would hit me so quickly or so hard.

Family is what Christmas is all about.
And it's not like I haven't been around the family at all this season.  We spent yesterday with the cousins and today at my Grandma's....but it is just not the same.
and I'm not ready for change.

I want us all to be little again.
I want to wake up early Christmas morning and go jump on my brothers beds to wake them up.
I want us to cut pictures of toys out of magazines and tape them onto papers for our lists again.
I want to spend all of Christmas day putting our toys together and setting them up.
I want to be home with my family on Christmas.

happiness

first off...wow i haven't blogged in over a month.
sad day.
i've gotten on a couple times and started to write things,
but everytime i feel like i have something to say i dont know how to say it.

but tonight im just here to say im happy.
and for no real reason.
okay....maybe there are a few specific reasons.
but really in general nothing big happened today.
just a regular tuesday.
school, work, and dance.

i say this all the time, but really i want to try and be more positive.
i'm always so negative.
and lets be honest here...im kinda bipolar...but what girl isnt?

but seriously I have nothing to be negative about.
and whenever bad things happen..
its okay.
because life goes on.
i just gotta remember that.

last week for example
my ipod got stolen
yes i am still pretty upset about it
and yeah im probably going through withdrawals
and i really miss it
haha
but whatever
its fine
now i have something to ask for for christmas, right?
and it will be brand new and wont have any scratches on it!

okay maybe this is all over the top
and tomorrow night i'll probably be feeling the exact opposite
but for now im gonna try and be positive
because life is so much more enjoyable when you are happy

God's Eternal Ink

Someone posted this on facebook and it's just something I think we should always keep in mind.


I dreamed I was in heaven
Where an angel kept God's book.
He was writing so intently
I just had to take a look.

It was not, at first, his writing
That made me stop and think
But the fluid in the bottle
That was marked eternal ink.

This ink was most amazing,
Dark black upon his blotter
But as it touched the parchment
It became as clear as water.

The angel kept on writing,
But as quickly as a wink
The words were disappearing
With that strange eternal ink.

The angel took no notice,
But kept writing on and on.
He turned each page and filled it
Till all its space was gone.

I thought he wrote to no avail,
His efforts were so vain
For he wrote a thousand pages
That he'd never read again.

And as I watched and wondered that
This awesome sight was mine,
I actually saw a word stay black
As it dried upon the line.

The angel wrote and I thought I saw
A look of satisfaction.
At last he had some print to show
For all his earnest action.

A line or two dried dark and stayed
As black as black can be,
But strangely the next paragraph
Became invisible to see.

The book was getting fuller,
The angel's records true,
But most of it was blank, with
Just a few words coming through.

I knew there was some reason,
But as hard as I could think,
I couldn't grasp the significance
Of that eternal ink.

The mystery burned within me,
And I finally dared to ask
The angel to explain to me
Of his amazing task.

And what I heard was frightful
As the angel turned his head.
He looked directly at me,
And this is what he said...

I know you stand and wonder
At what my writing's worth
But God has told me to record
The lives of those on earth.

The book that I am filling
Is an accurate account
Of every word and action
And to what they do amount.

And since you have been watching
I must tell you what is true;
The details of my journal
Are the strict accounts of YOU.

The Lord asked me to watch you
As each day you worked and played.
I saw you as you went to church,
I saw you as you prayed.

But I was told to document
Your life through all the week.
I wrote when you were proud and bold,
I wrote when you were meek.

I recorded all your attitudes
Whether they were good or bad.
I was sorry that I had to write
The things that make God sad.

So now I'll tell the wonder
Of this eternal ink,
For the reason for it's mystery
Should make you stop and think.

This ink that God created
To help me keep my journal
Will only keep a record of
Things that are eternal.

So much of life is wasted
On things that matter not
So instead of my erasing,
Smudging ink and ugly blot.

I just keep writing faithfully and
Let the ink do all the rest
For it is able to decide
What's useless and what's best.

And God ordained that as I write
Of all you do and say
Your deeds that count for nothing
Will just disappear away.

When books are opened someday,
As sure as heaven is true;
The Lord's eternal ink will tell
What mattered most to you.

If you just lived to please yourself
The pages will be bare,
And God will issue no reward
For you when you get there.

In fact, you'll be embarrassed,
You will hang your head in shame
Because you did not give yourself
In love to God's Name.

Yet maybe there will be a few
Recorded lines that stayed
That showed the times you truly cared,
Sincerely loved and prayed.

But you will always wonder
As you enter heaven's door
How much more glad you would have been
If only you'd done more.

For I record as God sees,
I don't stop to even think
Because the truth is written
With God's eternal ink.

When I heard the angel's story
I fell down and wept and cried
For as yet I still was dreaming
I hadn't really died.

And I said: O angel tell the Lord
That soon as I awake
I'll live my life for God-
I'll do all for His dear sake.

I'll give in full surrender;
I'll do all He wants me to
I'll turn my back on self and sin
And whatever isn't true.

And though the way seems long and rough
I promise to endure.
I'm determined to pursue the things
That are holy, clean and pure.

With God as my helper,
I will win lost souls to Thee,
For I know that they will live with thee
For all eternity.

And that's what really matters
When my life on earth is gone
That I will stand before the Lord
And hear Him say, well done.

For is it really worth it
As my life lies at the brink?
And I realize that God keeps books
With His eternal ink.

Should all my life be focused
On things that turn to dust?
From this point on I'll serve the Lord;
I can, I will, I must!

I will NOT send blank pages
Up to God's majestic throne
For where that record's going now
Is my eternal home.

I'm giving all to God
I now have seen the link
For I saw an angel write my life
With God's eternal ink.

Written by Pastor Craig F. Pitts

Pinterest

okay.
my new addiction.
just another website to waste my time on.
but i feel like it is a little more useful than refreshing twitter and facebook a million times.
atleast there are always new things to "pin".
pretty sure it just makes me want to go shopping.
or decorate my room.
or go take pictures.
or get married (haha jk, but really all the wedding stuff)
or make some delcious food.
so ya.


and thanks madi for telling me about it haha

Awkward loneliness

Tonight I went with my family to the Red Lobster for my birthday dinner as tradition. We invited my grandma and also Colby brought his girlfriend Janelle and Ryan brought his fiancé Courtney. They are both super sweet and they both brought me way cute gifts which I wasn't expecting at all. Dinner was delicious and I had a fun time!

But for most of the evening just picture this...
My dad is sitting at one end of the table with my mom and grandma on both sides of him having their adult conversations.
Next to my mom is Ryan and Courtney and next to my Grandma is Colby and Janelle. Both my brothers with their arms around their girls, having their own little conversations, and just being all cute and all
...
And then there's me.
Sitting in-between the couples.
Just playing with my fork.
Just awkward loneliness.

I know I'm the youngest and all and I really am glad the girls came!
I just found those moments kind of humorous.

Three people that made the difference

The boy-
Just simple friends, classmates in school. Don't even know each other that well. Yet he was one of the few at school that I can count on my fingers that happened to actually know today was a special day to me. Simple phrase of "happy birthday" meant more than you would think.

The girl-
The one I wish I could be. The prettiest and funniest. Hardly ever talk to her, but yeah we're friends. Somehow she always seems to just say "hey" with a smile on the days that I need it the most.

The brother-
The one who always instantly makes my day better. Always surprising me. Going out of his way just to make my whole day. Decorating my car, giving me money, but mostly just showing how much he cares for me

Sick to my stomach

Tonight two girls from Spanish fork were hit by a train and died and one is in critical condition.

This makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
And I don't even know the girls.

I just can't imagine how terrible that must have been.
And I can't imagine how terrible it must be for the family and friends.

My prayers go out to them.

It makes me realize how much I take my family and friends and even just the people I know for granted.

You never know when they are gonna be gone.

I should appreciate every little moment I have with my friends and family.

Because life is short and you never know when a moment is going to be your last.

Afraid

I'm afraid to let go.
I'm afraid that you'll never feel the same way about me as I feel about you.
I'm afraid that we'll never really be friends.
I'm afraid of losing you in my life.
I'm afraid that you don't even care about me.
I'm afraid that we might never talk again.
I'm afraid you'll never realize how much you mean to me.
I'm afraid that you have no idea how much I need you.
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to move on.
I'm afraid that none of my wishes will ever come true.
I'm afraid that no one will ever care for you like I do.
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to feel this way about anybody else.
I'm afraid of moving on.
I'm afraid that I might regret moving on.
I'm afraid that I'm annoying you.
I'm afraid of waiting.
I'm afraid that you might never think of me.
I'm afraid that you'll forget me.
I'm afraid that I'll probably never have the chance.

One simple text

All I really want is one simple text from you.
Even if all it says is "hey."
Because then I'll know for just one moment
You were thinking of me.

Counting the days as they go by..
Being patient.

Why I dance - ADC

ADC
Athena Dance Company

it's more than just a dance company.

it's a family.

I seriously feel like the girls that are on ADC are the sisters that I have never had. 
Even the girls I haven't known for that long. 
Unless you have been on ADC then I don't think anyone could actually understand what it feels like.
What it feels like to walk into the dance studio on those days you just want to give up.
And yet someone WILL make you smile, no matter how bad of a day it has been.
When we push each other to work our hardest.
We dance for each other.
We lift each other through our trials.
We feel something through dance.
It is how we express ourselves.
and how we finally just let go.
When you can't hold in your emotions any longer..
and it all just comes out on the dance floor

"tears of sadness. tears of joy.

either way...

teardrops on the dance floor

are the ones most felt"

My amazing director Tyne was telling us on thursday how she feels that when we truly dance and express ourselves she sees us as who Heavenly Father sees us as.

and I believe thats true.

I believe when I dance, I am my true self.

That is why I dance.

ADC is why I dance.

It's not because I'm some amazing dancer...

cause I'm really not that great.

I have a lot I can work on.

But I dance because it's my passion.

It is what makes me happiest in my life.

I still can't believe I went all last year without it.

All of those endless hours in rehearsal.

All of the uncontrollable laughter.

The inside jokes.

The crazy costumes.

The amazing moments when you hit a triple or a quad (or 5 or 6 if you're angel haha)

The feeling when you are dancing perfectly in sync with the girls next to you.

The awkward moments when you mess up.

The excitement of performing.

The parties that bond us forever.

The dances that we perfect.

And the simple moments that I will never forget.

Thank you ADC

for being in my life

I don't know where I would be without you girls

I'm grateful that for this one year

we get to dance together

and forever be bonded

as ADC

Rainbows

I like to look for rainbows

whenever there is rain

and ponder on the beauty

of an earth made clean again



I want my life

to be as clean

as earth right after rain

I want to be the best I can

and live with God again



*inspired by Michelle singing on our hayride
in the rain at HeeHaws with ADC*



Moments that Matter Most

I need to stop focusing on the negative each day.

because that is not what matters most.

time goes by so fast

and I should appreciate every moment I have with those I love.

That moment when...

a random classmate gives you a smile from across the hall

your brother randomly decides to make you breakfast

a teacher makes a joke that puts a smile on the face of every person in the class

someone compliments you when your having a bad day

your best friend knows exactly what to say to make you feel better

a teacher is understanding

a little neighbor runs up and gives you the biggest hug just because they love you

you don't want to be at work, but people find ways to make you smile anyways

a song comes on the radio that perfectly fits your mood

you get a random text from someone you've missed

your mom saves you dinner and sits with you at the table while you eat it just to ask how your day was

a lesson in seminary is just what you need to hear

you ace a test that you stayed up all night studying for

you come home to cookies that your neighbors made for you

your brother helps you with a school project even when he has other stuff to do

your head hits your pillow at night

you realize it's the small moments that matter most

Get Well Soon?

Ya I hope so....

i hate being sick

Homecoming Week

Best day ever. coming home to money taped to my mirror.

Dance Co at the light parade!

She's a hottie.

Decorating the Halls

Love all of these girls!

Seniors Baby!

Homecoming game. it rained. and we lost.

Me and Maggie :)



HOMECOMING



so glad i did it.

me and cason

tonight things [change]

And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through


Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win


We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
We're getting stronger now from things they never found
They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away and say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this


'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win


We'll sing hallelujah!
We'll sing hallelujah! Oh

Tonight we standed on our knees
To fight for what we worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight?

 It was the night things changed, can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution, throw your hands up, 'cause we never gave in

We'll sing hallelujah!
We sang hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

<3 TAYLOR SWIFT

I am...

I'm human.
I make mistakes.
I'm sorry.
I don't always think before I act.
I get overwhelmed at times.
I'm not perfect.

I'm a girl.
I'm sensitive.
I overthink things.
I can never make up my mind.
The littlest things make a difference.
I'm moody... I guess even bipolar at times.
I can't help it.
I just want to be loved.

I'm a dancer.
I let the music move me.
I feel things through dance.
It's a part of me. 

I'm a senior.
I'm livin the life.
I have to grow up in a year.
I already have senioritis.
I procrastinate.
And I should be up working on homework instead of laying in bed writing on my blog...

Touching Videos

just some videos to go watch

This is just a random video michelle showed me^^^

These are in memory of 9/11

neverforgotten

Red Devil Pride

We are the DEVILS and don't you forget it!

What?

After the football game on friday, which was a little deperessing, I won't lie. I was thinking about it and I actually have never been more proud to be a Springville Red Devil.

Because I realized that I don't need my team to win to be proud to be a devil.

Yes, the game would have been a little more fun if we would have creamed Maple Mountain like in past years, but they deserved the win. Their team played better then we did, that's all there is to it.

But during the game as I looked across the field to the other stands filled with there bland colors of maroon and maybe some gold I was surprised that the fans weren't screaming their heads off. Yes they would jump up and down when they scored... But the majority of the rest of the time they were just standing there. I'm sure they were way excited.. But they just weren't showing it...

I guess there really

Ain't no party like a springville party

I remember last year when we beat timpview. That was the best high school football game I think I'll ever go to. Lost my voice. Cheered the whole game. Unreal how amazing that moment was when we beat them. The stands shook the whole time from the student section jumping.

That is how I thought maple mountain would have been when they beat us. But they weren't.

So I'm glad to be a red devil.

I'm glad that our fans were still so supportive that game.

I'm glad that I could still have fun at the game even though we lost.

I'm glad that our hello dance was fun and that we kept our spirits up.

This next week is homecoming.

And even if we haven't won a game yet, we are still going to go for the win.

We will cheer our team on till the end.

Devils in the stands get up and clap you hands!

No matter how the game turns out..

we know what it means to be a

Mighty Red Devil

We know what it means to live in The Ville.

We know what it means to be a part of the school.

We know what it means to wear the red&blue.

We know what it means to live the legend.

We know what it means to keep the fire burning.

We know what it means to keep the traditions going.

We know what it means to have

Red Devil Pride

Saturday Snapshots: Take 2

i didnt take a ton of pictures this last week...but here are some

Michelle got a jeep!

Senior Sunrise

My first ride in chell's jeep :)



Chell and her "bestie"



what we do during photography

uhh? what?

Most awkward power pose ever

Power Pose at the football game

Dance. Best Friend. and a Glass of Milk.

that's all I need to make me happy :)

On Wednesday...
we had a great day at dance. worked our butts off. had crazy hair. partied the whole way home from lindon. had a glass of milk. and worked on psychology homework.

now that is what best friends are for.



crazy hair after dance
yes we know we look gross





yes I know pretty much every picture I post on here is already on facebook . get over it.

Official Title: Student Sweeper

My Official Title?
Student Sweeper
What it really means?
I'm a janitor.
at Cherry Creek Elementary.
haha

what a job.
and i've had it for a year now.
but hey it earns me money.
how else would I be able to pay for my portion of my car payment every month, or pay my parents back for part of my trip, or my part of dance classes, or all the extra little things I like to buy.
good things about my job? i just listen to music and text the whole time, i dont have to work nights or weekends or holidays, and it's not that hard.

I don't know though...sometimes I think about it...and really I go in everyday after school for FOUR (well i guess technically 3.95) long hours and clean.
Yep.
Vacuum.
Empty Trashes.
Clean Desks.
I guess sweep or mop every once in awhile.
all the things a janitor would do.
but atleast I don't have to pick up throw up or clean bathrooms or anything gross like that.

Thats a long time though when you think about it...
thats like 2/3 the amount of time we sit at school.


Thoughts from work:

• my ipod is my best friend
• i will always appreciate clean windows and drinking fountains
• "blue skies" is more then just pretty sky. its a cleaner
• big loads of paper is a lot heavier to throw away then you think
• the elementary school is one of the scariest places I know (i get scared and scream on a daily basis)
• the faculty room always has some type of left over snack or treat
• we like to raid the fridge
• we like to hide out in the rooms without windows
• picking up trash outside isn't just something people do for community service
• i would love if we had wifi at the school
• sometimes you find yourself having the most random conversations with the people you work with
• 5:30=breaktime...meet in the art room
• sometimes teachers can be messier then the students can
• there is nothing more annoying then woodchips
• glitter never vacuums up
• gum in the carpet is annoying
• it's funny when people try to talk to you when you have your headphones in and music blasting
• new teachers are funny
• 65c. = soda :)
• the basement underneath the school is the scariest place
• sometimes huge spiders like to crawl on the carpet. so we catch them and spray them with cleaners till they die
• 5 more minutes always means 10 more minutes
• giving daily advice to jared on how he shouldn't do drugs and should go to school
• me and kelby arguing on whether SF is better or SHS ....obviously SHS
• setting up chairs for programs is annoying
• wednesday means disinfect the desks
• apparently kids can trip on dirt on the gravel...so we have to sweep it up
• hand prints on glass windows are terrible
• it would always be nice if someone would just volunteer to do my job for me one of these days...

oh im sure there are so many more things i could think of to put on here...
but i can't think of them right now.

i just cant believe
that i have thee lamest job ever
i'm a student sweeper :P

High School Sweethearts

My parents.
High school sweethearts.
Actually, technically Jr. High sweethearts.
How come it worked out so perfectly for them?
I'm sure their relationship wasn't perfect or always easy and I'm sure they went through rough times that I don't know about...
But it sure seems perfect.

<3
hahahahaha so funny looking
but so precious

They met at the welcome back dance at Springville Jr. High School when my mom was in 8th grade and my dad was in 9th grade.
My dad still claims to this day that he knew he was going to marry my mom from the moment he saw her.
Whether that is true or not, I don't know, but it still is cute either way.
From then on they were together, and they will be forever.
My dad would walk my mom home from school.
They would go get ice creams together after my dads (rotary or quality, I can't remember) football games and my mom cheered (for snowdairy I think.)
They went to almost all the high school dances together.
They were there for each other all through high school.
There are pictures of them in their Springville high yearbooks together.
I read their yearbook signings and they are the sweetest things ever.
My mom waited for my dad on his mission.
And they got married in the Salt Lake Temple.
Pretty much the most perfect fairytale high school sweetheart story ever.

So how come if our parents love life story was so amazing...

Then why does it suck so bad for me and my brothers?

One of my brothers had a serious girlfriend in high school and we all loved her then.... Until she broke his heart and he hasn't been as close to anybody since then. And I know how much it hurts him as he gets older seeing all of his friends get married and wondering when he'll ever find someone.  He is so funny, sweet, caring, and loving and I know any girl would be so lucky to have him and I hope he finds someone soon.

My other brother thought he found the one. Yet she kept going back on forth on whether she was ready or not to get married. Finally they figured things out and he proposed this last weekend. Yet already a day later she is saying she doesn't think she is ready. It is crushing my brother. I love him so much and i was so happy for him. He is the best example and he deserves to be happy.

And then there is me.

Amanda.

You want to know what my name means?

'Worthy of Love'

How ironic

Especially since I've never been in a relationship before.

I just wish I was like my mom and had someone to be with as I went through high school.

Even if I didn't end up marrying them.

I don't know it would be nice to just not have to worry about not getting asked to dances.

Or to have someone to walk around the halls with.

Or just someone to to talk to.

Or just to show they care about you.

I don't know...
I guess I'm just complaining about how me and my brothers love life sucks.
I just know that it hurts all of us.

But somewhere out there is someone for each of us.
I know it.
I guess we just have to wait

And eventually we'll find our own fairytales.

saturday snapshots

every saturday I'm going to try and upload a few random pictures I took throughout the week

my yw :)
sis robertson's last day

most amazing rainbow(s) i've ever seen!

Limit the Ladybug
our math class friend

Jared is a creeper
oh the people i work with...

first day of school

meet kelby
the student sweeper
we have the best job ever
not

SF vs. SHS football game